I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
