I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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