I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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