a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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