i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
