I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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