did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
