First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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