shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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