If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
