Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
