I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
