Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
