there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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