Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
