she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
