Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
