I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
