A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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