Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
