sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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