Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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