Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do cheetos always look like penises
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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