as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
