Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
