I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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