just tell him i said nine months
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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