Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
