Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
