got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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