PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
