this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There r osticjed everywhere
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
