my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
