yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
