Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Houston, we have a blender
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
