She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize