and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
