3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize