yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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