That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
