Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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