Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
