Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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