and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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