after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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