I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize
