therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
