Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
