i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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