Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
