i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
