My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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