i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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