man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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