My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
