So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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