Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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