Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
