So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
