Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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