new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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