I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
