My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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