can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We talked him into tasing himself.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
