I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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