Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want to fling myself into the sun
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
