the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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