No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
