I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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