i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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