i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
