Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
