yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
