we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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