I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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