she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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